Loving is not easy. It requires patience, courage, understanding, commitment, and a
bunch of other things.

 

Loving anything, let alone a person, with their own desires, aspirations, and
experiences, is not easy. It’s not the well-scripted affair of fairy tales that we see in
movies. It’s a journey through uncharted territory, hand in hand with a fellow
adventurer. It requires not just the basics like patience, courage, and understanding,
but a bottomless well of respect, flexibility, and a willingness to constantly recalibrate
your compass.
Think of it like this: committing to a job, a goal, or even a passion, though challenging,
is often a solo journey. You set your course, navigate the obstacles, learn from the
pitfalls, and celebrate the victories, all within a framework largely defined by your
desires. But with loving someone, it’s like you’re sailing on a shared vessel, and you’re
both in control and equally responsible. Navigating currents not only of your own
making but also those stirred by the dreams and ambitions of your partner. It’s a
constant dance of finding the sweet spot between holding to your own course and
adjusting the sails to accommodate the winds of their desires.
In this complex dance of love, perspective emerges as a guiding light.
“As I get a lil older, I realize that life is perspective. And my perspective may differ from
yours”
— The Heart Part 5
Kendrick Lamar (2022)
When we acknowledge and respect differing viewpoints, we set the foundation for
navigating the challenges that arise in basically any partnership.

 

But then, how do we truly comprehend our significant other’s perspective?
It requires a blend of experience, maturity, and the desire to identify differences.
Recognizing that there is no absolute right or wrong, except in cases of evident abuse
(physical, emotional, or in any other form), is crucial.
Misunderstandings and conflicting opinions are inevitable in serious relationships, and
this is when it is vital to remember that our opinions, priorities, and needs aren’t
superior to our partner’s—they are just different.
The problem is, we’re schooled in scripts of happily-ever-afters, where love is a
perfectly synchronized dance. We’re told to think alike, anticipate needs, and find
effortless harmony. But these fairytales, with their airbrushed narratives, leave us
unprepared for the messy reality of love. We enter relationships armed with
expectations that can shatter when confronted with the jagged edges of difference.
“If we love each other, we must think alike.
Right?
If you really love me, you must know all my needs at all times without me having to
tell you.
Right?
And if you don’t live up to these expectations, I have the right to disrespect you, treat
you like an enemy, and look for what I need elsewhere because you are choosing not
to give me what I need.
Right?
No, no, not true.”
— Worthy, Jada Pinkett-Smith (2023)

 

 

And when reality doesn’t conform, we feel betrayed, unloved, and even entitled to
anger and blame. We forget that holding onto these rigid expectations isn’t just unfair
to our partners, it’s a prison for ourselves.
The damage these romanticized ideals inflict is insidious. From movies to music, even
the glossy social media feeds of strangers, we’re bombarded with images of a love
that’s effortless, uncomplicated, and devoid of conflict. We subconsciously internalize
these narratives, mistaking them for blueprints, and then stumble when our
relationships, with their inevitable bumps and detours, refuse to follow suit.
“I’m mad at Disney, Disney
They tricked me, tricked me
Had me wishin’ on a shootin’ star
But now I’m twenty-somethin’
I still know nothin’
‘Bout who I am or what I’m not”
— Mad at Disney
Salem Ilese (2020)
Real spill.
The truth is, love isn’t about agreement. It’s about acceptance, about holding space
for the unique perspectives that make up two individual lives woven together. It’s
about recognizing that the needs and desires of the one that we love, while different
from our own, are equally valid. It’s about the courage to step outside our comfort
zones and learn to see the world through their eyes, even when it’s blurry and
unfamiliar.

 

 

“Walk a mile in my shoe” type thing
It is also important to understand that letting go of expectations isn’t about settling
for less. It’s about opening ourselves to the richness of a love that thrives on
diversity, not conformity. It’s about celebrating the unique symphony our differences
create, appreciating the harmony that emerges from the interplay of our melodies.
So, let’s rewrite the script.

 

 

Whenever you feel you are ready to share yourself with someone you find special,
make sure to commit yourself to treating them with great love, respect, and
understanding (these are the virtues I feel surpass all others). This also applies to
folks already in romantic relationships. Evaluate the conditions you are providing for
yourself and your partner, is it healthy? Is it nurturing? Is it supportive?
Let’s trade in the fairy tale for a story where love is a journey of exploration, not a
destination. Where understanding, not agreement, is the key to a fulfilling connection.
Where we celebrate the beauty of our differences, knowing that they are the very
threads that bind us together in a love that is real, raw, and infinitely more beautiful
than any happily-ever-after we could dream up.
Because in the end, love isn’t about finding someone who sees the world exactly the
way you do. It’s about finding someone who helps you see the world in ways you
never could have imagined. And that is actually a far more magical adventure than
any fairy tale could ever offer.

 

Written By:

    Ben