Loving you is more pain than pleasure

it’s more late nights thinking of you and hurting at the same time

It’s seeing you smile, that smile that makes my heart flutter but also chips a little coz you’re not smiling for me

It’s having you constantly playing on my mind like a broken record and I wonder if even the tiniest thought of me crosses your mind. 

It’s the constant need to be around you but the fear of rejection keeps me rooted to the four corners of my room.

it’s looking at you and wondering how anyone could be so beautiful and the realization that such beauty can’t be mine. 

it’s pretending I’m okay being your friend while I watch you stomp on my cracked heart breaking it further. 

it’s showing every form of kindness I can and wondering if I call now for help if you’ll come through. 

It’s the need to text you the very moment I’m awake and the struggle to not look stupid and desperate.

It’s watching your lips move and wondering what they would taste like, I’ll prolly get to know and then knowing another gets to do the same. 

It’s hearing you call me all these sweet names and knowing you call everyone the same names. 

it’s the constant need to love you all the right ways and cautioning my feelings because I know you don’t want it from me. 

it’s sighting you from across the room and my heart and whole body feel giddy and having to hold every nerve and muscle still from running to you coz I’m scared of not getting the reaction I want. 

Loving you is pain and pleasure but mostly pain because I’m in love with you and you don’t even understand the depth of my feelings……..

 

    Written By:

         kemiayeni