And then there was me, sitting at the edge of the bed because mama also sleeps on it.

I start to imagine an alternate reality, the one that exist in my dreams. Where I am out and I can admit that I like girls a little more than girls like other girls.

I like girls like boys like girls but a lot better than they do.

Mama has expectations of me, I just turned 19 and she already gave me a list filled with expectations.

She is asking for me to make her proud but of course at the top of the list.

She wants me to marry a man?

I have never been attracted to men, to me men are merely to be acknowledged but when I sleep, it is the caress of the woman’s breast that I crave.

The warmth of her smile and the sweetness of her womanhood. For me a woman is likened to strength, resilience and stability.

    It is on cold nights like this that I wonder, when will I ever live my truth?

When will I stop seeking Mama’s validation?

This night I will dream again, for only then am I set free.

   It is at this point that mama questions,

mma are you coming to bed?” I look around the room but also at her.

I will come to bed, I will lay my head but it won’t be on a pillow, I will close my eyes but this time. Her arms will be wrapped around me and then I fall asleep.

 

Written By:

Charlotte E.