Based on true life experiences… 

 

I slowly opened my eyes to the rays of sunlight piercing through the windows of my hostel room and landing slightly on my face making my vision a bit blurry. I lay back on the bed feeling very reluctant to get up; after all, it is just another day to work hard for what I will never have. I took a deep breath as I sluggishly jumped off the bed and walked to the bathroom and got dressed. I was listening to a song from my favorite artist as I prepared breakfast. As usual, I made noodles for myself while I prepared some sandwiches for a friend of mine.  

 

Did I just call him a friend? Well, Musty has been my friend since the first year of university, and to be honest, I have been crushing on him since then. I always try my best to help him out in all the possible ways I could, even though I hurt myself sometimes, it just became part of me to do things that will make him happy. I know y’all will think I am wasting my time on an unrequited love, but I am always happy to do things for this guy as long as he will be happy. I don’t mind being the only one in the relationship, loving him from my own point of view is enough for me and seeing him happy also makes me happy.

 

I smiled to myself as I stared at the pack of sandwiches I made for Musty. “Okay Osman, let’s get this done. It is just another day to do things for the man you love.” I said to myself as I picked my bag and headed out of the room…

I know my story might be a bit complicated or even annoying, but I will assure you that I never regret what I have done for love, even though the love is one-sided. My story with Musty is a long one; I don’t even know how to put it, all I know is that I did everything I did for love. My name is Osman, a final year student and this is my story…

 

***** 

Osman walked out of his hostel room as usual and walked down to the ground floor. He knocked on a door shouting his friend’s name. “Musty, Musty. You are going to make us late again. You know for sure Mr. Dave doesn’t tolerate late coming in his class right?” He shouted as he kept on banging on the door. He leaned on the door and brought out his phone from the bag as he started calling his friend’s contact. He could hear the phone ring from his friend’s room but he kept on calling without intention of stopping.

Musty hissed as he jumped off the bed and quickly took a shower, he bashed out from the room after a few minutes staring at Osman with furious eyes. “Seriously shorty, did my mum send you to me? Why are you always pestering my life? I am still enjoying my peaceful peace while you…” He was still talking when Osman hit his mouth. “You are welcome, Sir. I know saying thank you will be too hard for you.” He said as he walked away.

 

Musty quickly followed Osman while adjusting the buttons of his shirt. “You know there is still time before the lecture, right. I am totally famished. I need to branch into the school cafeteria first. I didn’t have enough sleep last night.” Musty said, still trying to catch up to Osman , who is walking very fast. “And whose fault is that? I told you to go to bed immediately after studying? It is not my fault that you choose to play games.” Osman replied.

 

Musty giggled a bit. “Ooh, see who is talking. You won’t take responsibility now after you made me stay awake for over three hours right. I wonder why you are still my friend; I should know that you just want to murder me…” He was still talking when Osman interrupted him by throwing him the pack of sandwich he made. “Thank God I have extra food in my bag, I know some big boy will leave the house without having breakfast and will nag at me all day.” He said, giving Musty a fiery look.

 

He quickly grabbed the sandwich looking excited. “What will I do without you my shorty?” Musty said as he wrapped his hands around Osman’s shoulder. Osman giggled a bit. “Of course your life will be a total mess.” He said as he pushed Musty away and headed towards Kate who had been waving at him while Musty walked to his friends.

 

“What have you done today bitch? Why is your ghost boyfriend hugging you all the way to class?” Kate asked, staring at Osman who sat beside her. Osman sighed deeply as he dropped his bag. “Oh please Kate, if anything should happen, you will be the first person to know of course.”  He replied looking back at her. She smiled and nodded her head. “But seriously Osman, don’t you think you should let go of this guy? It has been four years already and this is our final semester in this school. You have done enough to make him take clues. You have turned down a lot of guys just hoping he will notice you. Don’t you think that he is just using you?” Kate asked with a worried face.

 

Osman sighed deeply as he stared at Musty’s direction for a while before he turned at Kate. “I don’t know Kate. I seriously don’t know how to unlove this guy from my heart. The thought of him using me makes me happy sometimes, if at all he is using me, then I have hoped that at least he knows the feelings I have for him.” Osman replied. “I just hope these few days that remain for us will favor me. I won’t ask for much, I just want him to understand that I love him and probably give me a chance.” He added with a desperate face.

 

Kate nodded her head as she picked up her phone. “You are totally insane babe.” She said as she hissed slowly. They were still talking when Musty walked and sat beside Osman. He wrapped his hands around his shoulder as usual and started acting clingy. “What? Don’t tell me you didn’t write up your practical report.” Osman said, giving Musty a suspicious look. Musty smiled awkwardly revealing his teeth which made him look more charming. “I can’t even find the report book bro.” He said with a clinging voice.

Osman hissed and looked away as Musty continued acting clingy. “Come on bro, I swear I was about to do it right now. I don’t know how I forgot the report book at the hostel. And you were the one rushing me.” He complained again with a charming face. Osman sighed as he unzipped his bag and brought out a report book and threw it at Musty. “I know someone will definitely blame me for being a lazy ass and refusing to do his report.” He said, giving him a weird look.

“Wow, continue being lazy Musty, I am sure Osman gets your back. He is definitely spoiling you.” Kate said, giving them a fiery look. Musty stared at her a little. “Look Kate, you can’t go in between me and my bro. and if you don’t take care, I won’t accept your relationship.” He said pointing at her. He quickly turned and hugged Osman. “Thank you brother. Dinner is on me tonight.” He said as he flew away.

Kate hissed as they both stared at him and walked away. “The fact that he acts charming and ignorant annoys me seriously. But what annoys me the most is the fact that he is blind to your love languages and thinking that we are in a relationship. I hate that guy with a passion , babe.” Kate said looking pissed off. Osman giggled a little as he stared at Musty flaunting his report among his friends. “I also hate him in a romantic way babe.” He said, still staring at him…

“I am terribly exhausted, Osman. I am also famished. No one told me this final year will be super exhausting. I thought we would just have to take a break from all the stress while working on our project research, little did I know that it is a form of set up.” Musty complained as he had his hands wrapped around Osman’s shoulder while they walked back to their hostel.

 

“Oooh. Will you just stop complaining, Musty? You are just being a lazy ass guy. Just take your hands off my shoulders, I am also tired.” Osman replied as he pushed Musty away. He quickly rushed and held his shoulders again. “Come on shorty. You already know I am used to holding you this way; plus I am tired and hungry. What do you expect me to do then?” He murmured again.

 

Osman hissed and pushed him off again. “Seriously Musty, you are tired from what is must for you to do. I am also exhausted from school and no one is pampering me. So stop expecting someone to give you credits for what is your right to do.” Osman said as they continued walking. Musty laughed a little. “I can pamper you shawty. Remember I said dinner is on me today? Come, I will take you to eat.” He said as he held Osman’s hands and dragged him into the fancy restaurant they passed by.

 

“What are you doing, Musty? I don’t have any money to spend here. You better stop playing these pranks.” Osman said as he hesitated entering the restaurant. Musty smiled as he held his hands tightly. “Come on baby boy. I just received my allowance. Senior musty will take care of you tonight.” Musty said, flaunting his wallet with a charming face while he proceeded into the restaurant. Osman smiled and followed him inside as they took a table and ordered some food.

 

“So have you met with your supervisor? You should be done with your project by now, Musty.” Osman asked, staring at Musty as they were eating. He took a deep breath as he dropped his spoon. “That man is seriously trying to frustrate me, can you imagine that he rejects all the work I sent to him. I am seriously tired shorty.” He said with a stressed face as he slowly placed a piece of meat on Osman’s plate. “Here, I don’t want beef.” He said smiling.

 

“I know what you are trying to do, Musty. You can’t keep bribing me to help you out with everything. Remember our days together are numbered. I can’t continue being there for you your whole life. I am already feeling guilty that I am spoiling you.” Osman said, staring at Musty. Osman’s words seriously hit Musty at this point, the fact that they will have to get separated one day hits him differently as he starts imagining life without Osman. He nodded his head with a slight worried face as he continued eating without saying a word.

 

Musty was a bit reluctant since his conversation with Osman. He wasn’t talking much even when they were walking home. To think that one day he will wake up not to nagging calls of Osman is making him sick already. He stood reluctantly as he watched Osman enter a shop to buy some stuff, probably groceries. “God, why do I have to realize at this point that I have been dependent on this guy for my whole school life?” Musty asked himself with a worried face as he also walked into the shop.

 

Osman had already picked a couple of things which he needed to buy and he was about to pay. By staring at the basket, Musty quickly brought out his wallet and offered the money. “You should let me pay for my things, Musty.” Osman said as he also offered out some money. Musty quickly held back his hand. “I am just lazy, not dumb Osman. I know half of these things, you bought them for me.” He said, staring at him.

 

“Hey sissy, you guys should just move aside and play out your love story. There are a lot of people standing behind you. Fags” A guy who was also waiting to pay for his stuffs yelled at them. Musty slowly turned at the guy and punched him immediately. “Just so you know, that’s not for you calling me a fag; it’s for you messing with my buddy.” He said as he picked the stuff and dragged Osman out of the shop.

 

They were walking fast with Musty holding Osman ‘s hands tightly, Osman stopped and took a breath. “You shouldn’t have pulled that stunt in Musty. It wasn’t necessary.” He said, staring at him. He sighed deeply while they continued walking. “I have never been ashamed of you Osman and I wouldn’t just let some idiot pulled a stupid prank on you.” He said, looking at him. Osman was quite impressed, at least, for the first time, he felt his love reciprocated…

 

***** 

It is exam week already. As usual, everyone is trying so hard to get out with flying colors, especially the finalists who are eager to get out of that coven. But as for Osman, he isn’t sure whether to be happy or sad. This mixed feeling is killing him already. The fact that he will be stress free from education is very exciting, but when he remembers that is the end for him with Musty, all his hopes get shattered.

He was overthinking as usual when he entered Musty’s room and found him lying almost half naked on the bed. He was shirtless and wearing just short knickers. He stood by the wall drooling and couldn’t say a word. He was staring non-stop at Musty’s captivating physique. “Are you alright Osman? Why are you standing there like a statue?” Musty asked, looking at him.

 

That was when Osman quickly got back to his senses. “I wanted to ask you to study together.”  He said, stammering. Musty smiled as he nonchalantly concentrated back on his phone. “I think you can go ahead. I am talking to this girl and she is at the verge of accepting me. I won’t back down now.” He said smiling at his phone.

 

Osman was heartbroken instantly as he slowly walked out of the room quietly. Tears started rushing out of his face as he walked to night classes where he met Kate waiting already. She took a deep breath and closed her book as she noticed the tears on Osman’s face who sat beside her for minutes without saying a word. “What has happened now Osman? Did you find him talking or making out with a girl?” Kate asked, staring at Osman.

 

“It would have been better if I found him making out with someone. At least, I will understand that he is doing it without letting me know; but the pain of listening to him telling me about a girl, it hits Kate differently.” Osman said as he burst into tears again. 

 

Kate hugged him tightly as she tried to comfort him. “You see Osman. You have no right to be angry at what Musty does with his life. He has all the right to do what he likes and you can’t even stop him. I think the only way to free yourself is by letting this dude know what you are passing through. I know your friendship means a lot to you but you can never know if you never try.” Kate said as she patted his shoulders.

Osman kept quiet for a while as he thought about it. It has been four years already and they have only a few days remaining together. At least, this should be the chance where he vents out his heart, even if Musty turned him down, then it is the end already. “It will probably be better to fail while trying than to stay back and die in silence.” Osman thought to himself as he got himself ready and determined to out himself to Musty after their exams..,

 

***** 

Exams were successfully over and everyone was already leaving the hostel to enjoy the holidays with their families. Osman arranged all his belongings ready to leave the school the following morning. He wasn’t sure how his plan of confessing to Musty that night would turn out but he is already determined to do that. He went to Musty’s place to spend the night and they chatted and played as usual.

They both lay on the bed; Osman was facing the wall with his heart pounding fast as if it was about pumping out while Musty was facing the ceiling. “Osman.” Musty called slowly with a tender voice. “Are you sleeping already?” He asked. “No, why?” Osman replied.

 

Musty took a deep breath as he continued staring at the ceiling. “I just want to talk to you more. I don’t know how or where to start from. I know I have been a pest on you all these four years. I know I have been a demanding friend all these years. And I don’t even know how this journey would have turned out for me without you. I know I never meant to thank you in  a serious way, but I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate your efforts on me and this is me appreciating you honestly. Thank you for everything Osman.” Musty said with a tender voice.

 

He was still talking when Osman quickly sat up and placed a kiss on his lips. Musty was shocked; his body became weak. He couldn’t move an inch because of how shocked he was. He couldn’t even reciprocate or stop Osman from kissing him. His eyes were wide open as he stared at Osman who slowly stood up and walked away with tears on his face. He turned as he reached the door. He slowly wiped his tears as he started talking.

 

“These whole four years, I lived every single day in despair with your love growing in my heart. I don’t know how it started but it has been there for as much as I could remember. I did all I did because I love you Musty. I took care of you because I want to sleep with you. I want to moan loudly while you ride on me. I always dream of that Musty.” Osman said with tears on his face.

 

“I know you might think that I am a bad person, but that is what I honestly want. I don’t know if you had a hint of it and decided to play with my emotions; but anyway, this is me telling you that I love and I will always love you Musty. And from the depth of my heart, I am sorry for loving you.” He added as he quickly walked out of the room.

 

The look of confusion and shock that was clearly visible on Musty’s face couldn’t even allow him to reply a word to Osman or followed him after he left. He stayed back in the room and pondered what Osman had told him throughout the night.

 

The following morning, he woke up late because he couldn’t get to sleep on time the previous night. He went down to Osman’s room immediately but to his surprise. The room was locked. He stood by the door trying to dial Osman’s contact but it wasn’t going through. He was worried as he sat by the door waiting when he met Kate walking into the hostel. “Hey Kate. Have you seen Osman.” He asked looking at her but she brushed him off and walked away.

 

He quickly followed her and held her hands. “Hey Kate, I know you don’t like me, but it will be an honor if you just tell me where Osman is right now because this is seriously urgent. I need to talk to him.” He begged. Kate hissed as she turned and started at Musty. She wanted to ignore him but she felt this was the chance to vent out her burden of hate on him. She sighed deeply as she moved closer to him.

“What sort of an asshole are you, Musty? I don’t even know how to start off with you because you have been a stupid ignorant guy all your life. Haven’t you noticed all these years that Osman has been falling for you? Okay, at least you should have summoned up courage and talked to him last night instead of acting dumb like the dumbass you are. Knowing you is a total waste of time and regret Musty.” Kate said as she walked away. She quickly turned and faced him. “And don’t even try to look for him Musty, he has left for good.” She said as she walked away while Musty fell on the ground crying.

 

He wasn’t sure of the reason why he felt bad at the moment. Of course he doesn’t even know how to classify his feelings, all he knows is that he has been a dumbass just as Kate said. At least he should have a better closure with Osman than letting things end this way. He wailed and cried because that was a tragic and stupid end for him…

 

*****

OSMAN’S POV…

I cried throughout my journey back home. I don’t know the reason why I cried but I am sure I have no one to blame after all that has happened. I have no right to blame Musty for not reciprocating my love. It’s totally his choice if he should accept my love or not; and I have no right to judge that. I should have opened up to him in the first place but I was being a coward instead. 

 

I have learned a lot from my experience. I learned that love happens all the time and it has no boundaries. I learned that we can never force others to fall in love with us but we always have the power of speaking our minds. It is always up to them to decide whether they will love us or not, but at least we tried to say it and it is always better to fail while trying than never trying at all.

 

I wiped my tears as I blocked all his contacts from my phone. It’s better if I end it for good than giving myself false hopes. If in the future we have a chance to meet again, I am sure life wouldn’t be cruel enough to punish me again. But for now, I am bringing an end to my unrequited love story…

THE END…

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Dedicated to all LGBTQIA+ families who struggle with an unrequited love!