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                                       EPISODE 2:

                     WHAT WAS THE QUICKEST METHOD OF DYING, AGAIN?

             I try hard to sleep and shut every thought out of my mind but it has become more impossible than impossibility itself. I am alive but feel so dead. Like there is a rope around my neck and I am hung from a post, struggling with the rope, trying to prevent it from extinguishing my candle of life.

 

Unrequited love is the quickest method of dying. The pain is much deeper than the cut of a blade. The process is continuous: Falling for them, anticipation is high that you will soon be noticed, disappointment or rejection, a glimmer of hope here or there and rejection again. Rejection continues in worse forms. Thus, escalating the pain which will slowly drain and dry you up.

 

I have known Tshezi since our days in secondary school and since then, my request to date him has been on his table. At first, he was too timid to say a profound no. Always having one or two reasons why he’d be unable to allow us to date, even in secret. I tried being patient with him.

 

But as time went on and we grew older, I started to see the actual reason for myself. Collins, or Tornado, as he was known on campus grounds. Tshezi was stuck on to this thug and drug peddler for only God knows why.  I believe it is the free drugs and wild ways of Collins that must have fooled him into falling for him. Or maybe I am just too decent for him. Or na the fuck wey e dey fuck am? Rose had mentioned that he is actually a tornado in bed. I casually raised the blanket to look at my sleeping 6 inches. Na wa o.

 

Why pikin go see poison, still wan chop am? Everyone knows Collins is toxic and a bad influence, why has Tshezi refused to see it?

 

I am still yet to understand how I have become so inconspicuous to the one I love. Back then, we used to be best buddies, always talking about personal and random stuff, showering together, in fact, doing everything together. Now, it would take a miracle for him to return my missed call and talk up to 30 seconds with me. It felt like I disgusted him.

 

Well, I am still believing and praying for him to look my way and ask for something serious. I know he will come around someday but when will this day be?

 

 

 

                                                                ***

 

Why would life be so cruel to me?

 

Why can’t the only person I love just love me back? Things are already difficult for me as a student who is also an orphan, living off the wealth of his late mother, though… even though. There are still some people out there who have eaten their cake and still have it, if you know what I mean. Why has the universe chosen to punish me in this manner?

 

Tornado is an ingrate. With all I have done for him, he still has the guts to kick me out at this unholy hour. Financially and otherwise, I have been there for that scumbag, that miscreant and at the end of the day, this is all I get. I changed my lifestyle because of that oaf. I became an addict to please him. The sex? Nor even mention that one… wait a minute. What if I was the one at fault. Like, na because of me e nor like me? It could be.

 

Staring through the window during my reverie. I noticed how the streets looked deserted…how I go take reach house, Baba God?

 

I also noted how Scorpion was adjusting uncomfortably in his seat every two minutes, using his knee to hit and brush mine, like he was trying to pass me a warning or message of some sort. I tried to shift away from him towards the window but he had an uncanny way of coming closer.  I tried to look him in the eyes severally and he expertly dodged my gaze. Ok na. This could be his own way of hitting on me. Abeg hit well if you wan hit on me, nor go break my leg, broda.

 

This might end up just being fun.

 

We finally arrived at the bridge and Pepper who was driving the rickety Golf vehicle announced our safe arrival. Something nor do us for road but for here, we die here.

 

I stepped out of the vehicle holding my Louis Vuitton sling bag and sweater like the antagonist in a K-drama. I took time to plan my next movements and choose my words because my life might just be hanging on them. Who could tell what Tornado had instructed them to do after dropping me?

 

“Na wa o. We don true true reach bridge o”, I said feigning surprise.

 

“Yes”, Pepper replied, “Na here boss say make you from waka go house”.

 

“Afar na guy man. Make you still reason my matter naa. You sef know say 3 days from now, I never still waka reach house o”, I said in a pleading tone, puppy-eyed. I could feel Scorpion’s eyes all over me.

 

“Wetin you wan con follow us dey package now?”, Pepper, the lanky idiot, threw back at me. “Make we follow you dey trek am or make I back you or better still, we fit siddan here dey tori till day break wella” He hissed.

 

With a wave of his hand, he motioned to his mate to join him in the vehicle.

 

I ran after them. “Make una abeg naa. You just can’t leave me here. Scorpion, talk to am naa”, I begged with tears welling in my eyes.

 

“My guy, na the leaving you here we dey do so”, he paused. “Look, let me put it to you”, he continued, pointing at me, “I know say you be homo. I know say Tornado dey use prick scatter your yansh left, right, front, back and center any time wey you reach our side…and you see that kain tin so, we dey forbid am for our village. Even God sef dey forbid am. Na respect wey I get for boss nai make I never use gun light you and your sinful ways o. Abi you nor know say you worse pass Satan?”

 

“How Tornado big gbola fit dey pass that small hole wey dey your yansh sef?”. Scorpion who had been quiet all this while made that remark.

 

“Wetin even dey make you believe say na small hole?”, Pepper responded maliciously. “Na today e start am? That hole fit even size my head”, he paused, “To con crown am all”, he continued, “You are the president of the Scripture Union for Students on this campus. Can’t you see how useless you are? How you wan con take convince me to become christian?  You are an error to manhood, a disgrace to your parents and family and a colossal failure to society”.

 

I stood there awestruck as he berated me. It was as if someone had poured iced water on me. This was what all the cold shoulders recently had been about. I should have known. I felt like screaming and raining curses on his generation, both born and unborn, but would that be wise? I wouldn’t want to be left almost lifeless on the highway by this time after collecting a beating from both of them. It was no longer fun as I had anticipated.

 

 Wetin love nor go fit do man pikin…?

 

My only option was to play my last card: Scorpion. I knew he still wanted a taste of his master’s meal.

 

I started to cry. These tears conveyed my emotions; the feeling of being lost and alone, my confusion and anger at the world at large. I wished to be understood, to be cared for, doted on and watched like a precious ornament. I was tired of acting strong and independent on the outside yet weak and defenseless inside.

 

Death might be a permanent solution.

 

What was the quickest method of dying, again?

 

  ***

 

Las, las na leg I take reach house.

 

 I don’t even know when I arrived because my phone was dead. I was without cash too, thanks to the almighty Tornado. I was starting to detest him but I kept praying he’d call to apologize and say the substances he took made him misbehave, as usual. I rolled my eyes.

 

Maybe I should just swallow my pride, call him and we’ll be back to lovey-dovey in no time. I could add a monetary catch to it too.

 

I saw her eyes flare up in anger and her focus zeroed on me like an annoyed rattlesnake after I told her what I’d been through in the last few hours. I had struck something sensitive. Something she was trying to suppress. I’ve known her since we were 15. She couldn’t hide anything from me.

 

 After my mom’s death, we’d quickly become friends due to the fact that her step mother allowed her to wander off wherever she pleased after she had finished hawking. I continually bought stuff I didn’t need, with my allowances, just to keep her around as long as I could. But being the smart girl she was, she quickly figured out that the cash I was using to pay for her time, sort of, could be utilized in a better way if she played her cards right. She left home and moved in with me.

 

“It’s becoming extremely difficult being your roommate, Tshezi”, she replied curtly.

 

Hearing her call my name in full hit me like a pan in the face. Usually, it was Tshez or Tshe-Tshe. Why the change?

 

“Thanks for the subtle reminder that I’m Queen Elizabeth XV of Lagos”, I quipped in reply, “and since when did we degenerate from siblings to roommates, Obiageli, or is it Bella, again?”, I added with sarcasm.

 

Now she exploded.

 

“I’m tired of watching you die a slow death, Sweetheart. Almost every night, you come home useless, reeking of whatever rubbish you’ve taken. Collins isn’t seeing you the way you want him to now or any time soon yet you happily indulge yourself in his risky social lifestyle”, she blurted out.

 

“Explain”, I said.

 

She abruptly stood up and sat close to me and continued, “ Tshez, girl, this isn’t you and you know it. When you aren’t on drugs or something, you’re lifelessly high on alcohol just to please one idiot who doesn’t see anything wrong in kicking you out of his house and having his boys drop you in the middle of nowhere at 3am because you couldn’t keep up with his unbridled sexual appetite.”

 

This is not pointing the way I’m imagining it is or is it?

 

 “All this unnecessary show you’re putting up is about Tornado, right?”, I asked.

 

“Yes and no”.

 

“Answer me properly”, I yelled. “You are ever ready to point out his faults but you do not complain when he buys you that chocolate flavored ice-cream you love so much or when he gets you expensive colognes and dresses, or when he prioritizes your problems over mine. Only now when you heard he throws me out of his car at 3am and endangers my life, you want to tear him up. Is it your life that was endangered or haven’t you heard that love’s path is never smooth? I love him not for what he has to offer. I love him for him so shut up and take your words of discouragement elsewhere”, I continue yelling while I stagger into my room, slamming the door.

 

It’s painful to admit that she is right. Each day, it’s one embarrassment or disappointment after another with him. All I needed from her at that moment was a shoulder to cry on. Not being judgmental or taking sides. 

 

Obiageli was the least of my issues right now.

 

How do I even explain that Pepper and Scorpion had been shot and killed immediately after our session?

 

 

 

        Written By:

        FitGiant

 

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