I was 18 when it happened. I thought talking about it would help afterwards but I don’t think I’ve really shared the emotional aspect of this story.

I trusted him and he took advantage of that trust. He knew I was a late bloomer and in my naivete, I was abused physically but i was mostly scarred emotionally.

I convinced myself it was sex education afterwards and though a lot of people think being wanked is not really a big deal, the fact that i didn’t give my consent makes it all shades of wrong.

 

In that moment, a lot of things got shattered in me and thus began my distrust in people older than me.

I stopped trusting people generally and that is something really sad cause I actually do not trust and believe in myself anymore as well.

 

I’m 31 and up until I was 18, I was very courageous, bold and believed I could be anything and anyone I set out to be. However, in that moment, I became a scared child. I lost every confidence I had in myself. I blamed myself for what had happened to me. I hated myself and hated the world and I gradually started sabotaging myself so I wouldn’t be noticed by anyone cause being noticed by him was what brought us together in the first place.

 

I am a broken soul. These days when my friends ask me how I am, I do not even know how to respond cause I really do not know how I am. I live every day as it comes. I refuse or sabotage any form of emotional attachments and some days wish it all could end so I can find peace.

 

No, I’m not suicidal and yea, maybe I’m in

 

denial about that, who knows. I can’t even trust myself to know what’s up with me anymore but I believe I’d prefer if it all just went silent.