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CHAPTER 8!

Guilt and suspense are the worse forms of feelings one could ever have. They aren’t the regular forms of regrets; they are certain feelings that eat us up slowly for what we did and leave us in a shattered condition waiting for our miserable judgment to occur…

*****

Austin drove in haste upon receiving Amir’s text message. The situation is very critical for them to be leaving Ahmad alone in the house. His situation is very worst that he has started opting for committing suicide. Austin parked his car and entered the house where he met Sarah still lying on the floor with a hangover and Ahmad was sitting on the couch as usual shedding tears.

He rushed to Ahmad and made sure he was alright, even though he didn’t answer him, he only stared blankly at the air. You can clearly see the feelings of guilt and suspense through Ahmad’s eyes; he is definitely going through a lot of mental stress at the moment. A doctor suggested him going for a therapy to ease his pain but they think Ahmad will blew up everything and that is why they decide to watch him from home.

Austin quickly walked to where Sarah was lying and wakes her up. She groaned loudly as she stood up and stared at him with sleepy eyes. “What is going on Austin? Why are you pushing me that hard?” She asked with a sleepy tone. Austin hissed as he stared at her.

“What are you doing Sarah? How will you be so negligent to drink out with a stranger at this situation? How would you even leave Ahmad all by himself? Are you that stupid?” Austin yelled looking at her. She was still staring at him when he continued yelling. “You should at least think about the situation we are in right now before you go out there and act like a desperate whore.” He shouted looking at her.

Sarah quickly pushed Austin who was standing before her. “How dare you address me that way Austin? Stop acting as if it is only Ahmad or yourself that are affected by this situation. I also have a reputation to protect. And besides, this wouldn’t have happened if you and Amir haven’t forced that idea on us.” Sarah yelled beck.

Austin was about talking when Sarah interrupted him. “It even occurred to me that you suggested a pool party that night. How sure should we be that you didn’t have everything planned out?” She yelled again looking at him. Austin raised his hands to slap Sarah but he was quickly held by Amir who barged in to the room when he heard them yelling at each other.

“Now let me remind you of this bitch. You are equally a suspect of Jane’s rape and murder. I have my hunch on you all this while and I will do whatever it takes to prove it. We all know you joined this squad because you had a long time feelings for Jane.” Austin yelled looking at Sarah who was shocked by his statement.

He pushed Amir’s hands from his and moved closer to Sarah as he smiled wickedly at her. “Oh you think it was a secret all along right? Well I have known you to be a whore, a lesbian slut. I have a hint on all the advances you have been making on Jane. You think no one knows right? Now get this straight into your head, if by any chance my hunch on you becomes true, I will definitely make sure you pay for it.” Austin yelled again at Sarah who was looking devastated already.

They all stood quiet at the room looking at each other with disgust and surprise faces when Ahmad giggled a little. “I guess we are all receiving a piece of the cake we baked at this time. I guess this punishment is worse than dying or being locked up in the prison. I guess it will be easier to be investigated by the corps than to live with this guilt and in suspense throughout our lives.” Ahmad said with tears rushing from his eyes while they all stared at him.

He adjusted himself and wipe off the tears on his face. “What is the essence of living such a life, every day in fear, fear of being haunted and being exposed? Just take a look at me, I can’t even sleep anymore because whenever I do, all I see are terrible experiences. We claimed that all we did was for love but the love doesn’t exist anymore between us, we live our daily basis by hating and blaming each other.” Ahmad said again still with tears on his face.

“I am honestly tired guys. I am exhausted; my mental health cannot take this any longer. I am seeing a therapist.” He said as he slowly stood up and walked to his room. They stared at him as he entered the room and shut the door behind him. Amir sighed deeply as he faces his friends again. “I think Ahmad is right, he needs a therapist, we can’t continue keeping him like this, it is being wicked.” Amir said with a stressed face.

Austin giggled and moved closer to him. “This is not the first time you are being wicked Amir. So stop acting as if you care. We are not taking Ahmad to any therapist because I will not risk the chance of him blowing us out. What do you think will happen at the therapy session? He would be convinced to confess his deals and will be set free. Then what? We will all be blown.” Austin yelled. Amir sighed deeply and smiled.

“I agreed I was wicked and selfish at first, but this time around, I won’t sit back and watch the life of another innocent soul got wasted just because of our selfishness. I will take Ahmad to a therapist and I will help him regain his mental health, even if that means blowing up what we did in the past, I will do just that; even if it will be the last good thing I will do before getting arrested.”  Amir yelled back at Austin.

He sighed and holds his head for a while. “Aren’t you all tired of this? Aren’t you all stressed out? Our lives keeps on getting entangled with dangers day by day, isn’t that enough punishment to make us surrender? I think we should think of a way to end the scandals on ground not create more to it. What do you think will happen if Ahmad suddenly dies of this disorder or gets a psychiatric disorder? His family will definitely sue us.” Amir said again staring at Austin.

Austin was about talking when Sarah interrupted him. “Stop being stubborn Austin, we are already in this mess. Let’s focus on finding way to save Ahmad instead of dragging ourselves more in to another mess. I think Amir is right this time.” She said looking pitiful. Austin hissed and stared at them for a while as he walked to his room and banged the door behind him.

He is sure taking Ahmad to a therapist will do them no good but harm. He is sure that all a therapist can do at this point is to convince Ahmad to let go of his inner struggles which includes blowing up their dead secrets. He sighed deeply as he lies back on his bed thinking of a way to stop them from taking Ahmad to a specialist…

*****

The longer I get to stay behind kelvin’s face to more I get to realize how deep and coarse life was, the people we call our lovers, the people we confide in and the people we spend our times with all has a different motive apart from the physical appearances we see with them. The more I get to hide behind this face, the more I realize that life is not that guaranteed. The things we think we do for the love of ourselves and others aren’t even worth the struggle…

Kelvin was sitting on his bed going through some old stuffs while trying to pick the next item for the scandal when he found an email account written on one of his books. He stared closely at the email. ‘..[email protected]!..” He reads out the email and stared at it curiously. He is sure that Jane was always careless with her stuff, but he is sure she did that on purpose. She wrote that email purposely on that book. It was a book he cherished and she was sure he will find it.

He quickly jumped up and picked up his system to log into the email. Judging from the name –JanesSafeCloset- he is certain that it is a storage email. He was about logging in curiously when he remembered that he will need a password for the mail. He sighed deeply as he tried other alternatives to access the mail but seem it is fully secured and can be only logged in with a password.

Kelvin becomes more curious to what Jane was hiding in that email. That was when it occurred to him that Jane never had a diary or any hard drive, she never possessed them but she has records of all their beautiful memories. It suddenly occurred to him that Jane always store everything on that mail account. That was when he becomes more curious to get it opened.

He tried all his possible means to create a password but to no avail. He tried using her birthday and all sorts of silly and meaningful things but nothing was working. He lay back on the bed panting really hard because he was exhausted. He closed his eyes and was thinking for a while when Mr. Emmanuel entered the room.

“Good evening Kelvin.” He greeted as he sat by the edge of the bed. Kelvin quickly sat up and faced him as he greeted him back. Mr. Emmanuel stared at the room for a while and nodded his head. “I guess you are trying to fit into Kelvin’s life. It must be really tiring I know.” He said looking at Kelvin. He slowly stood up and walked to the mirror and stood beside it. He was about talking when Kelvin’s phone rang.

It was Daniel. He picked it up and talked to him for a while before he dropped the phone. Mr. Emmanuel sighed deeply and faced Kelvin. “It seems like you are about forgetting your duty Isaac.” He said with a serious face. “I already informed you that Daniel is the enemy you need to make your friend but it seems you didn’t understand. Is it that hard for you to make him closer to you? Extort from him and get all the possible things before we strike back at that old man.” Mr. Emmanuel yelled at Kelvin.

He took a deep breath before he continued talking. “Isn’t it obvious to you that I am casted out of this family? You are my only hope and have the chance to get what belongs to me but it seems you are more concentrated on avenging your friend’s death.” He added as he moved closer to him and grabbed his neck.

“I won’t have you stay behind my son’s face and refuse to do the needful. You must act faster, get closer to Daniel and get me the secret file of the company.” He said as he released Kelvin’s neck and pushed him away. He walked away and turned back when he reached the door. “And I am giving you only three months for that.” He said as he walked out and banged the door behind him.

Kelvin sighed deeply as he leaned and closed his eyes for a while. This is really getting tough, he thought things will be easier but here he is, in the middle of no return. He sighed deeply as he arranged his bag and head to the office.

“Good morning Kelvin.” Sarah greeted as she entered Kelvin’s office and took a seat, she was having cups of coffee with her, and she slowly sits down as she offered him a cup. “How was your presentation, I heard you nailed it.” He asked as he sipped the coffee. “That is why I am here to appreciate and also celebrate with you. Thank you for the ideas Kelvin.” She said looking at him.

He smiled at her as he dropped the cup. “Oh that is seriously fine, I just contributed a little idea, and it was all your work.” He said with a smile. Sarah also dropped her cup and adjusted herself. “Of course your idea helped a lot so I have to appreciate.” She said staring at him.

He giggled a little. “If you insist then. But who celebrates with a coffee?” He asked and they all laughed. Sarah laughed for a while before she cleared her throat and talked. “You can be hilarious Kelvin; I will treat you tonight then.” She said still laughing. “I will surely wipe your account.” Kelvin said and they laughed again.

They were still talking and enjoying the conversation when the door opened loudly. It was Daniel. He was looking furious as he walked in calling Kelvin’s name. “Where the hell is your phone Kelvin? Why are you ignoring…” He was still talking when he noticed Sarah sitting in the office. He sighed deeply and faces her. “What are you doing here Sarah? You should be preparing the paper work to your project by now.” He asked staring at her.

Sarah smiled a bit. “I am just here to appreciate Kelvin for his help towards the presentation.” She said looking at Daniel. He giggled a bit. “You don’t have to do that, he was just doing his work which is managing the company’s business and not showing you some kind of personal favor. Now move back to your office and get to work.” He yelled at Sarah who walked out immediately.

A look at Daniel’s face will reveal how angry he is; of course he is talking from a jealous point of view. Kelvin who was still staring at Daniel couldn’t say a word because he is confused about how Daniel is acting lately. “I just hope it is not what I am thinking, this guy shouldn’t fall in love with me because I don’t know how to go about it. It is bad enough that Mr. Emmanuel is making me a bad person, now this? How should I start handling him?” Kelvin was still talking to himself while staring at Daniel when he heard him shouted his name.

“Are you there Kelvin?” Daniel said as he tapped his shoulder. Kelvin quickly faced him. Daniel sighed as he sat on the table. “Now I see the reason why you ignored my calls. You were talking with Sarah; I thought you said nothing was going on between you two?” He asked with a stressed face. Kelvin sighed as he sat back on his chair.

“I wonder why you are stressing yourself between Sarah and I, we are just getting along as colleagues and that’s all.” He said as he sipped his coffee. Daniel giggled. “Colleagues? And she brought coffee to you every morning? Spend time in your office while she has hers? You call that normal and being colleagues?” Daniel asked staring at him.

Kelvin sighed deeply. “”Then what’s that to you Dan? You are just being dramatic. You also show these kinds of good gestures to me. I think they are very normal.” Kelvin said looking at him. Daniel sighed as he stood up. “Are you that dump to realize that people are trying to hit on you? Why do you always sit back and act all smiley and innocent? Don’t you think it keeps attracting people to you?” He said as he walked out of the office and banged the door behind him.

He came back after a while and stood by the door, he stared at Kelvin for a while who was still sitting on his chair. “And for your record, that gesture was not being normal. It is called ‘courting’ people are trying to ask you out when they do such things.” He said as he walked out again and head to his car.

Kelvin giggled with a smile. Of course he knows what Daniel wants from day one, but then how would he starts approaching it. He understands that the real Kelvin hides his feelings because they are cousin brothers but he can’t seem to understand why Daniel is venturing out his feelings to the public. To talk about being gay is separate but falling for his brother is another thing. “Or is there something that he didn’t know?” He asked himself.

“Why is this boy’s life more complicated than he thinks? What is all this stress attached to his life? Why does he have to do this?” Kelvin keeps on asking himself with a confused face…

Daniel drove home with his heart filled with bitterness and anger. He just hates himself for being so slow. He couldn’t bear the scenario of Sarah and Kelvin having fun. His heart always pounds faster whenever he sees them together, he feels like strangling the girl for trying to associate with his boy. He has been nurturing this feelings for a while and he will not allow her jeopardize it for him. He will have to find a means to reveal his identity to Kelvin, that is the only way he can make him his.

He walked straight to his grandfather’s apartment immediately when he reached home. He met the old man sitting on his couch and reading a newspaper as usual. Daniel greeted the old man with a frown face. He is sure that the old man will be shocked by his request but he will have to tender it no matter what.

“How was the company my son?” He asked with his eyes fixed on the newspaper. Daniel couldn’t reply for a while because he was arranging how to tender his words. “Just say it out and stop wasting our time.” Grandpa said still not looking at Daniel.

Daniel sighed deeply and adjusted himself. “I want to reveal my identity to Kelvin grandpa.”  He said looking at him. The old man chuckled a little and dropped the paper as he faces Daniel. “How strong is the power of love? I thought you could hold it in there longer?” He asked looking at the boy.

The old man giggled again as he slowly stood up and walked to a shelf of books as he brought out a photo album. He handed it over to Daniel and stood beside him. “You see, I didn’t just adopted you because I lost my grandson. Your father and my son were best friends and business partners; they had an accident while returning from a trip with their families. I was a fatal one and you were the only survival. I had to take you in because I couldn’t bear the pain of losing a son and a grandson.” The old man said with a shaky voice.

He wiped the drop of tears on his face as he continued talking. “You see, I am not against your love for Kelvin, all I want is for you to be ready enough to face rejection and stigmatization when you reveal yourself. You don’t have to rush yourself out of the closet dear, sometimes, that closet is the safest place for you.” He added still looking at him.

The old man sighed as he sits back on the couch. “I will allow you reveal yourself but you will have to prove to me how ready you are, I want to see how serious you are with Kelvin and if you are successful, I will offer you what you are entitled to and set you free.” He said as he stood up and walked to his room.

Daniel sat looking so dumb. At the moment, he is sure that things will be hard but his heart is determined on making Kelvin his and his alone…

TO BE CONTINUED…

WRITTEN BY:

BY MSQUARE!

 

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