Voke didn’t say a word as she cleans blood from her best friend’s Tega left eye. It is hard to maintain silence as she cleans, especially when

It is her fourth time doing it this month, but she does it regardless, and even if she speaks, Tega will not listen to her. Her friend is that stubborn. As soon as Voke finishes helping her with today’s wound, Tega will return to her stupid husband Isaac and returns the following week with another black eye.

        “You can’t keep coming here if this is what you want to do with your life,” Voke said, softly running a towel across Tega’s eyelids, Thankfully today’s wound isn’t so deep, the serious cut is at the left corner of her eyebrow. Nothing severe is close to her eyes or her mouth.

         “So you’re going to throw me out, eh?” Tega said, laughing, the fact she could laugh makes Voke’s stomach roll in disgust.

      Voke pause. She takes a deep breath in.

It is 12:30 am, and she still hasn’t slept since her

shift from last night, her head is spinning, and

her apartment smells of blood. She is so tired, each time the room falls a little bit quiet, her eyes close up almost immediately. If there is anything she doesn’t want to do at this particular hour of the day is to argue. She’d argued with far too many people at work already, from Evans the account manager to her stepfather Jeremiah

            “Am I so ugly today that you can’t fucking look at me?” Tega said, slowly moving her head from Voke’s touch.

        “Please fucking stay still,” Voke said coldly, her eyes still neglecting Tega’s eyes. There is just too much information in those eyes that she isn’t ready for tonight.       

       “I’m so sorry,” Tega said and started crying.

        “For fuck sake Tega look at you,” Voke abandons the towel in the bowl filled with warm water. She picks up the remaining blunt she couldn’t finish smoking before leaving for work in the morning, the blunt on top of her parlor center table was buried neatly under one of her romance novels, she lights the blunt, takes in one long draw, and closes her eyes. She went stand by her window, she listened to her neighbor’s Dog barking with both eyes closed, there was no moon out tonight, just stars.

              “What am I supposed to do Ovoke?” Tega said, crying.

              “You fucking leave him” Voke screams, she hates when she is like this with Tega, loud and angry, but Tega is getting on her nerve. How can someone keep throwing themselves inside fire like that? What is it about Isaac that she can’t find in other men, is this what love truly means, to be so consumed by it that you no longer see yourself anymore?

                “Where am I supposed to go if I leave him?”

        Both friends were now standing in front of the window, and half of Tega’s face is buried in the silk curtain, Voke takes another drag and blows it into Tega’s face, Tega didn’t weave the smoke off with her hands as she would many years ago, she takes all in like some prayer. She is a different type of woman now, no longer is she that same fragile girl who sees the world with simple caring eyes, now she’s all big open eyes, a real woman with heavy decisions to make.

            “Please leave him, sweetheart” Tega begs, gently, she picks braids from her friend’s face. She will forever love this woman no matter how hard she tries to hate her.

          “I can’t, Ovoke,” Tega said, reaching for Voke’s hand, Voke moved away enough for Tega to return her hand.

          “It’s Voke, if you know you want to keep talking rubbish in my house, call my name the way I like to be called,” Voke said.

        There is silence between both women for a while, Voke keeps smoking with her eyes tightly fixed on Tega, and Tega looks out the window with fresh blood running from her face, she looks so pretty in the dark, even with half of her face covered with braids.

           “I don’t understand why you want to stay with him” Voke breaks the silence finally, she picks up the towel and gently rubs it on Tega’s face. Tega rests her bleeding head on Voke’s hand.

           “I love him Ovoke” Tega’s voice pours into the room quietly. It is truly a sick thing, to hear Tega speak of love at a time like this, but Voke understands because she too is no stranger to that kind of desire.

              “You need to lie down” Voke guides Tega away from the window and takes her to the bedroom, and together, just like feathers falling from the sky, they both fall into the bed. Voke could no longer hear her neighbor’s dog barking. When she tries to stand up, Tega pulls her back down, then kisses her.

          Voke didn’t hold back, she kissed back, harder. Her fingers quickly unbutton Tega’s jeans. She should stop, whatever this is, whoever Tega is tonight was not her, this desire Voke feels in her throat as she buries her mouth deeper into Tega’s mouth will not end well for both of them. She should stop because whatever Tega was asking for isn’t what she wants, but Voke didn’t stop, she couldn’t stop, she loves Tega too much to not give her what she wants.

               “Wait! Wait! Stop” Tega whispers, pushing Voke away from her. Voke backed off immediately, her breathing was loud and out of control, and her hands were shaking. She wants to touch Tega, this time, to make sure her friend is fine, but she is afraid, afraid her hands will make everything worse. Voke’s eyes didn’t leave Tega as she got up from the mattress.

         “I need to use the bathroom,” Tega said, her voice sounds nothing close to resentful and she didn’t look away when Voke said sorry, she looks calm and surprisingly happy.

          “I don’t know why you think you need to apologize for me wanting to use the toilet. Or is it a lesbian thing to always say sorry?”

         Voke laughs. She shakes her head, it feels like a dream, hearing the word lesbian said so softly by Tega.

        “So what are you doing this weekend?” Tega is speaking from the bathroom, Voke could barely hear a thing she is saying, her voice is completely covered up with the sound of running tap water.

              “I can’t hear you,” Voke said, standing in front of her wardrobe picking up a shirt for Tega. After what feels like forever, she settles on this big pink t-shirt. She scans the t-shirt with eyes heavy with confusion, the t-shirt looks nothing like what belongs to her wardrobe. Maybe it belongs to Blessing, the girl she had over last weekend. She is about to smell the shirt to confirm her skepticism, when Tega walks in.     

            “What are you doing?” Tega asked.

            “What does it look like I’m doing?” Voke rolls her eyes.

             “Here!” She throws the shirt at Tega. Voke throws the shirt back at Tega, it went on and on like that for a whole angry minute.

             “Ovoke I can’t sleep over,  Isaac will come here and-“

            “Let him come!” Voke screams.

             “You’re unbelievable”

       Tega drops the shirt and walks out of the bedroom. Voke quickly follows, she knows she looks ridiculous chasing a love that didn’t want her but she knows it will hurt more if she didn’t chase that love till the very end of time. Love can be like that sometimes, someone behind always chasing someone in front.

             “Don’t come back!” Voke said, watching Tega gather her things into her bag. Her hands were moving so fast. Voke wants to stop her but each time she moves toward her, she pulls back. 

            Tega opens the front door. She didn’t move, she stood there with her back completely turned back from Tega. Tega very slowly walks towards her, very slowly reaches for her bag, and very slowly she said “Stay”

 

Written By:

             MAGICFINGERS EMEZI